Sick At Heart

We aren't supposed to be selfish.
We aren't supposed to focus on our own problems.
But right now, I can't help it, because honesetly, there aren't that many of you who read this, so what's the harm, right?

A couple days ago, I was sitting at Sonic. I tend to do that a lot. Happy Hour is awesome. Whatever.
And in one moment of looking around me, I saw this:
Youth driving at break-neck speeds, listening to music that sounds like nothing more than yelling and screaming.
A mom and kid in the SUV next to me were fighting.
The people in the car next to me were eating food that clogs arteries.
Fancy people drove by in their fancy cars.

Do we ever look up? Do we ever just stop this life or whatever it's supposed to be and look at what we're doing?
I don't think people do that much anymore.

I'm tired of fighting.
I want to go Home.

"Slough of Despondency"

I feel such a burden to share these thoughts.

We cannot go on like this.

We cannot stay blindly and blissfully unaware - we must realize the sobriety of the time in which we live.

We have the truth. The time has come for us to choose whom we love most.

We are lukewarm, and must realize the urgency at which we must decide.

This world sickens me. There is blatant disdain, and indifference to sacrifice and commitment to high morals and self denial. We care nothing about denying our sinful appetites - rarely do we stop and think about the eternal merit of our activities. It seems the desire for betterment is no longer important.

In recent years, people have focused so much on our inability to be perfect, and how we are to come to Christ just as we are - both thoughts are truth. But we focus only on those, and we forget to try.

Gone is the quest for beauty, innocence, and Christ-like character.

I wish no more to sit on the fence. There is nothing to live for in this world - no thing it produces is worth my soul.

I care not for riches, desire, or power - they are worth nothing.

I am disgusted with constant backsliding and failure, in myself above all.
I choose to try.

I know we can never be perfect, but shouldn't we still strive for it?

We can at least attempt to do our best.

Why are we so blind? Why do we live so unmoved by the evil around us? How can we, as Christians, be uninterested in what is going on around us? Can we not see the end is near? Do we not care to be on the right side of God's throne?

I urge you, fellow believers in Christ, as I am again more resolute in purpose; join me in the ever important task of self denial and rejection of all that is worldly. Ask yourself about every song, every movie, every friend, every activity and every thought in your head - does it bring you closer to your Saviour?

I am so repulsed by my own sinful nature. Surely I am not alone! Doesn't anyone else feel it?

I feel such a burden. I am sickened by constant failure. It pains my soul to know that I will never achieve the perfect character of Christ - I so long for the day when we no longer struggle. I yearn for purity and innocence.

I do not care how unpopular I or tradition become. Does our heritage mean nothing anymore? Don't you know that peace is impossible here on Earth? We can only have it in Heaven! We are corrupt, and incapable of peace.

Please, join me in revulsion of compromise. We cannot continue being lukewarm about where we stand.

Awaken to every activity you do, every person you model your life after. Don't look to other people for your salvation, but rather, petition our God. Plead with Him to renew your zeal. I pray we will all be filled with the passionate desire for saving souls as our early Advent ancestors were filled.

I beseech God to pour out a Spirit of revival on us.

We cannot continue in despondency! Place a desire for what is right above what is popular.

Just Do It Already!

"So roll up your sleeves, put your mind in gear ... let yourself be pulled into a way of life shaped by God's life - a life energetic and blazing with holiness." - 1 Peter 1:13

An interesting thing just happened to me.

You know how sometimes something not-so-stellar happens to you, instead of choosing to look at the positive, you (yet again) let yourself fall into a "all life is gloom" mood?

That seems to happen to me a lot.

Well, this morning I had a test, and it wasn't the best one I've taken, so I was feeling bummed.

(Side note: What I should have done was admit that it wasn't great, but not let it affect my entire day).

I was walking from said test back to the dorm, and as I entered the hallway, there she was.

One of those people when, you aren't in the best of moods, you REALLY don't feel like talking to, let alone, being nice to.

I realized there was no avoiding it, since she was headed the same way as me, and I braced myself for the bristling, icy-blast-like enthusiasm.

"OH MY GOODNESS, RACHEL! HOW ARE YOU?!"

In that split second of response-gathering time, I had a full conversation in my head.

"Well," I thought to myself, "...I'll just say hi and get away as soon as I can."

When a voice interrupted.

"Rachel, it isn't that difficult to choose to be nice. Don't focus so much on yourself."

That certainly got my attention.

And you know what I realized?
It really isn't that hard to just put on a smile and be nice.
It's not all about "I, I, I, I, I" all the time.
In the end, I had a great conversation with her, and learned a valuable lesson.

"God doesn't want us to be shy with his gifts - be bold, loving, and sensible."

- 2 Timothy 1:7

Stir What'cha Got!

"Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness."

- Seneca

First things first.

Last semester, I was doing this for my own benefit, and also for a class project, and thus I was on a deadline.
I want to have a wonderfully insightful blog every day, but I don't know if that is:

A) Humanly Possible
B) Time Strain Compliant, or
C) Expecting Too Much

Thus, I will post a blog entry when I actually have something insightful to share.
How about that?
What do you guys think?

Okay, now for the good stuff:

My family and I are currently on vacation in the beautiful state of California.
Aside from grievously missing my cats, I am having a fabulous time.

We stopped at a Panera Bread Co. for a quick lunch while on the road, and could not resist the temptation to buy a baker's dozen of the bagels.
We had already bought a pumpkin muffin and one of the cobblestone things, and thus could not finish eating them.
When we were cleaning up our table, a rather raggedy looking man sat down in the booth joined to ours.
He was on the borderline of homeless looking - he was either a well dressed hobo, or a very disheveled member of working society.
I didn't want to offend him by asking him if we could provide some food for him - an alternate future of being hit in the face with a grubby hand flashed before me, and I decided against it.
But I still felt like I should help him...just in case.
Thus, I packaged up our leftover baked goods, and left them there, temptingly close to his table.
That way, he could choose to take them without being embarrassed, seeing that we had left them there, or if he was indeed not homeless, think we are just irresponsible tourists.

I will never know if we provided the gateway between starvation and survival for that man, but I do know that I did what I could.
In the words of Pastor David Asscherick, I "stirred what I got".

I guess that's what is most important.
Not planning some elaborate showcase of goodwill.
But just working with what we have, to do the most we can.

"Real generosity is doing something nice for someone, not depending on knowing the outcome."

- Frank A. Clark

"

Falling Off the Wagon

"He who waits to do a great deal of good at once will never do anything." - Samuel Johnson

I figured it was high time I started doing this again.

Many of you have complained to me about "falling off the wagon", and I thank you for caring, and I also apologize for not doing this every day, and for not continuing it after school ended.

I miss it :(

BUT!

I will do my very best to keep this up - it should be pretty interesting, considering my family is going to California for a couple weeks. Maybe I can do some good out there too!

Thank you guys for being patient with me - I will continue to try to stick to my intended purpose without ranting so much. But if I do have some sort of spiritual revelation that I feel I MUST share, I know you will forgive me ;-)

Stay tuned for the next entry, hopefully coming soon!

"Do not wait for leaders - do good alone, person by person." - Mother Theresa

Sleepswimming

"You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try." - Beverly Sills

As a college student, you get to the point where you can't think anymore.

This usually happens in the final three weeks of school (like we are in now) and only accelerates in urgency and voracity as the days slip by.
Poor seniors have this disease times a million, for they move on to becoming "real adults", not just a summer and then another year of school.

If you are a college student like me (attention high school students: please hear me - I thought I was busy a year ago at this time...no, no. I was mistaken. I don't want to scare you, I really don't. But prepare now. Don't think you can go off to college and have fun all the time. DO NOT GET SUCKED INTO THAT DELUSION. PREPARE NOW.) you feel like you are being tossed about in a sea of assignments, drowned by tidal waves of reports, labs, essays, and the list goes on and on.

At least that is how I feel.
Drowned and brain dead.

I am so pitiful, I have forgotten to pray for an opportunity to act kindly.
Yes.
I have failed.
I have not done this every day like I wanted.
But sometimes, a report unfortunately takes precedence over happiness.
Isn't that sad?
Seems unjust and wrong.
So after this literal hell of "Hey fellow professors, let's kill the students!" is over,
I PLEDGE TO BE MORE FAITHFUL WITH THIS MISSION.

Please bear with me as I try to swim for my life.

And by the way, I am so glad I don't have to do this alone.
I have a Best Friend that wants to help me, and be with me every stroke of the way.

"It is impossible to get exhausted in work for God. We get exhausted because we try to do God's work in our own way." - Oswald Chambers

Sensory Overload

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may life you up in due time." - 1 Peter 5:6, 7

Today.

Today, my ears were temporarily deafened
by a decibel chart-shattering, eardrum ripping, sanity splitting
scccccccrrrrrreeeeeeeeeecccccccccchhhhhhhhhh
by a broken door leading into the student center.
This was nails on a chalk board times 50,000.

And then I went to a convocation by a talented guitarist.
But I had the misfortune of looking up at the giant, 3 million watt bulb
lights for no reason.
And was soundly blinded for a moment or two.
When vision returned, everything was clouded, whirling, and surreal.
It didn't take long for my eyes to snap back to normal...thank goodness.

What a day.

Then it occurred to me that the presence of God may be something like that.
Except minus the unpleasantness.
And adding in gloriousness.
...
This was a bad analogy.
But WHATEVER.
It makes sense in my head.

So anyway.

God's presence KILLED PEOPLE.
One guy just touched something the Lord had dwelled in, and he dropped dead!
Elijah was allowed to see God as He passed a cave, but God had to partially block his vision so Elijah wouldn't die!
Just gazing on Him is death!

Makes me feel like a sinful piece of flotsam.

I don't know why,
but for some reason that Holy and marvelous God
gave us His Son.

"Though our feelings come and go, God's love for us does not." - C.S. Lewis